These days there are so many articles and courses and books out there trying to teach us how to be happy, how to love ourselves, and what we have to do in order to feel free and successful.
And don’t get me wrong, I love this- I love the way we as a collective are beginning to focus on self-growth, self-knowledge, and self-love.
What I don’t love though, is that there is often a step that is missing from these books and articles and courses. A step that is absolutely crucial to take on the path of self-love and learning to love ALL parts of you.
Without this step, it doesn’t matter how many tools you learn, how many spiritual practices you try, how many books you read, how many retreats you go on, how many self-care lists you make- that whole “I love myself” thing will still feel outside of you.
To truly love yourself and commit to the practices and ways of living that allow you to feel the most alive, the most like you, the most full and nourished and expressed version of you.. this is the step you have to take:
You have to be on your own side.
Yep, that’s it. You have to fully, 100% choose to have your own back. To be your own champion and cheerleader, through everything that comes your way.
And I know that sounds lovely. I loved the idea of that for a long time.
The actual execution though? The actual choosing myself, no matter what, day in and day out?
For so long it still felt far away and like I was missing something that everyone else seemed to understand. Why couldn’t I figure out what everyone else apparently got?
Because even if you’re on board with this and are saying, “Yes! I’m ready to be on my own side!” I’m going to be honest with you, it’s not an instantaneous thing.
You may have always been taught to be on your side from when you were little onward. Or, this may feel a little tenuous and uncertain. Because to be on your side, wholly and unapologetically, you have to put your own wisdom and authority above all else.
Most of us have learned, at some point or another, to trust an authority outside of ourselves more than we trust our own instincts and intuition.
Whether it’s a misdiagnosis from a doctor that we believed because they were the expert, buying into a lifestyle that leaves you feeling hollow, the teacher telling you you’re wrong even when you know you’re right, buying endless fitness magazines, trying and failing to fit a mold given to you by advertising and media… all of these experiences, whatever they are specifically for you, have chipped away at your ability to trust yourself and be on your side.
We are taught to give away our authority and deny our instincts in favor of being more acceptable and blending in.
Every time you’ve believed you weren’t good enough, needed to work harder to be worthy, had to fit a certain look or mold to be loved, chose to stay quiet and blend in rather than speak up or stand up for yourself- all of those experiences are embedded in your energetic system and cellular makeup.
Your brain and body have adapted those experiences as your reality on a really deep level.
It doesn’t matter how many gratitude journals you keep or epsom salt baths you take, how many nutrition programs you try or affirmations you say- if you still are holding on to programs and energies that guide you to give your authority away or to choose something besides what you truly desire, you aren’t going to be able to be 100% on your side.
And here’s the thing. You can’t grit your teeth and will your way into a different experience. You can’t just think your way there or expect any one thing outside of yourself to hold the answer.
Our energetic patterns and programs run deep. Below our subconscious. Oftentimes they are operating without our awareness. Many tools and coaches and courses out there work with the conscious mind, and even the subconscious. But if there are programs running in your energy and the very cells of your body, those need to be looked at and re-wired too.
That’s where real, lasting change lives. In re-wiring your deepest, most subtle experiences and patterns. In learning how your mind works with your body, your emotions, and your energy, and how all of these parts of you can actually work for you and be wired to be on the side of your best, most magical and alive self.
Tools are helpful. Retreats are wonderful (obviously, I run them!). Spiritual practices are amazing. As long as you aren’t looking to them to be the thing that fixes you or “finally makes it all better”.
The step of choosing to be on your own side is a process. A process in both uncovering the magic and truth of who you are by clearing out old energetic patterns, and in consciously re-wiring your habits, thoughts, and actions to support that magic and truth.
This process takes time. It takes commitment and a choice to be all in on your self-discovery. It’s a willingness to move forward even if you don’t know what’s going to happen or where you are going to end up. It’s rolling with the ups and downs and in betweens. And remaining true to the process throughout it all.
This is where the power of support comes in. The power of having someone there to call you out on your blind spots, to navigate your energy with you, to guide you toward new ways of thinking, being, and doing that, over time, help you to be on your side all the time.
The power of having someone else to check in on you, to remind you of why you want this, to hold you through your tender moments, and to celebrate your wins with you- this kind of support is priceless in the quest to be on your own side.
The way to be all in on yourself?
It’s not another book or course. It’s not another intuitive reading or workout program. These things are all great- and can only go so far if you haven’t discovered your own process for choosing yourself and being on your side every day.
Here’s the paradox- only you can know what it means to be all in on yourself. No one else can tell you exactly how to do it, because you are different than every other person.
And? I’ve consistently seen, over and over again, both within myself and with the hundreds of women I’ve worked with and supported, that when this journey and process is guided (not dictated, but guided) by someone you trust with your whole self, someone you trust to love all parts of you and to hold you and celebrate you- the ability to be wholly on your side, the ability to wake up each day and actually love who you are (and enjoy the eff out of your life!) becomes massively accelerated and way more possible.
If you’re not sure how to begin deciding to be on your side, or feel like you don’t deserve it, try these to start:
Connect with your Inner Child
Imagine yourself as a 6 or 8 year old. See that child standing before you. What do you desire for her (or him)? If you could give her anything, what would that be?
Imagine turning your back on that child, cutting them off from love and affection. How does that feel?
Now imagine giving that child a huge, soul-affirming hug and pouring all the love you could possibly feel into her (or him). How does that feel?
You deserve love just as much as your inner child. When you think about being on your side, imagine being on the side of your inner 6 or 8 old.
It may feel really tough to be on your side and choose happiness and love if you aren’t programmed to do that, or have a habit of bringing yourself down. Remember that we are all connected. The more you feel happy, alive, and like you are worthy of all you desire, the more that energy gets to show up in the world. And the more you bring that energy of worthiness, of inspiration, of joy to your world, the more the people around you – family, friends, co-workers, even strangers – will feel it and benefit from it. It isn’t selfish to put yourself first. It’s a world-changer.
And if you know you are ready to find out what might be possible when you are all in on yourself, what’s possible when:
- you understand your patterns and are able to change them
- you have a solid relationship with your body and your emotions
- your mind becomes programmed for your success and happiness rather than your fears and doubts
Darling, let’s have a conversation.
I have a few spaces opening up in my Align program this month- a one on one experience designed to clear old energetic patterns, connect you with your mind, body, energy, and emotions, and create customized, practical rituals and practices to help you be your own champion every single day.
If you feel like one of those spaces might belong to you, or you’re simply curious about what doing some work together might look like, let’s chat.
You deserve to be on your side. From there, anything is possible.